The Hogwarts Project
by uruviel1
Summary: When six very different muggle girls are brought to Hogwarts, magic, mystery, and mayhem ensue. Please r&r!
1. Default Chapter

The moon rose over the quiet 55th street, casting murky shadows in all the dark corners. Even in the daytime it was a quiet neighborhood, with the exception of the Fink family, who blasted their country music out the window. There were no children, except within the house bearing the number 4764.  
Two girls sat in a large room, whispering excitedly back in forth.  
"How can Mercedes like Elijah Wood- and think he's hot?" Inquired a blonde haired girl, smirking in the darkness.  
"Well- we all know Mercedes has no taste in guys. I mean- she doesn't like Orli!" Replied a second, very tall and thin girl with brown, wavy hair as she re-applied some bright red lip-gloss.  
"And Haldir. Please. His face looks like a watermelon!" Responded the blonde girl, blinking her currently green eyes.  
"Next thing you know- she'll be after Gandalf." Said the second girl, trying not to laugh.  
"Never know! Now- I'm going to bed- it's two in the morning!" The blonde girl turned over, her back to the second girl, and closed her eyes.  
Minutes passed, and silence descended over the room, as the conversation broke off. Yet the second girl, could not sleep. Sulkily, she looked around the room, at the five sleeping girls. Gloomily, she watched the talk tick, and felt the all to- unmistakable urge to talk bubble up inside her throat.  
"Pocky!" She hissed.  
"Nyahngggh." The blonde girl, Pocky, sleepily replied.  
Realizing it would take more than words to awaken Pocky to talk, the second girl snatched up her pillow and began beating Pocky, frantically.  
"Porkyyyyyy!" Pocky grumbled. "Go away!" She protested.  
Yet Porky, the second girl, had to talk.  
"Pocky!" She whispered excitedly. "Guess what my brother's did yesterday!"  
"Dun care." Muttered Pocky. Within minutes she was back asleep.  
Again, Porky was left alone. Realizing she would have plenty of time to talk tomorrow, she snuggled into her warm sleeping bag, and fell fast asleep- for awhile.  
As soon as the clock signaled 2:30 in the morning- Porky again awoke with a new desire: food. Tingling in excitement, Porky hastily dove out of her sleeping bag. Quickly applying so magenta lipstick, she scuttled through the dark halls- to the kitchen.  
"My precioussssssssss.." she whispered, glancing at the food. Feeling around the dark, she located a bag, with the description "special treats." "Yessssssssssss," she hissed in delight. Her mission accomplished, she tiptoed back to the bedroom, and munched the night away until, atlast, she fell asleep  
* * *  
Hours passed, and the shadows outside house number 4764 gradually disappeared, and turned into a fine mist. Yet all, was not peaceful inside the house.  
In what she imagined as silence, a third girl, hastily got out of her sleeping bag and dressed herself in her favorite jeans and a t-shirt. Hoping not to disturb any of her sleeping friends, she clomped across the creaky wooden floor, towards the door. She grinned at herself, thinking how sneaky she was for being so quiet, when she turned around and saw three of her friends glaring at her, from within their sleeping bags. Grinning in apology, she tromped into the hallway, causing the wood to squeak beneath her feet. Yet now she was free, in the living room. Excitedly she called over a oddly colored dog, covered in fluffy fur.  
"Alfieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" She cried. In a flash, Alfie bounded over, and barreled into the girls legs. "Alfieeeee" she said again, causing the dog's rump to wiggle at high speed.  
Together, the girl and the dog headed outside, to explore the large canyon outside of house number 4764.  
Back inside the room, other girls were beginning to stir. A girl with large brown eyes and blonde hair groggily reached for the nearest magazine, and slowly turned the pages, stopping to stare at a Harry Potter advertisement for several minutes. Another girl, with brown hair and marred skin quietly flipped through another magazine, and stopped to gaze at an Elijah Wood article. Yet three other girls, Pocky, Porky, and a dark, bushy haired girl.  
"Ace!" Whispered the brunette.  
"Umm hmm?" Inquired the second blonde, Ace.  
"Where's Leah?"  
"Dunno- she left early this morning."  
"So-I heard." Responded the brunette.  
Silently, the girls returned to their magazines. And there they remained for another hour, flipping through magazine after magazine.  
  
The short haired girl, Leah, and Alfie made their way down to the swing, at the edge of house number 4764's property. And there they sat, and played for the next hour.  
The sun rose even higher in the sky.  
"Come on Alfers." Cobbi whispered. And she and the dog made their way up to house number 4764.  
"Well hello Leah!" Said a middle-aged woman with graying hair.  
"Hi Mrs. Sweet!" Said Leah smiling as she made her way through the downstairs doors. She and the dog pattered through the house, all the way up to the large room where her friends were hopefully finally awake.  
  
Leah found all her five friends up reading magazines. "Hello!" She said smiling. All the girls looked up in return. "Wait- Porky- why do you have a bag of Alfie's special treats next to your bed?" Tavari asked. "These are dog treats?" Porky replied scornfully. "These taste good!" "Um- well they are." "Stop making fun of me!" Porky demanded angrily "Whatever," said the bushy haired brunette "Let's go explore the canyon!" Said Tavari, hoping to make everyone shut up and get along. The bushy haired girl groaned. "Tavarrrrrrri!" "Gazelllllle!" The brunette, Tavari retorted. Yet the girls were already starting to get dressed. Within minutes, all six girls, Ace, Leah, Porky, Tavari, Pocky, and Gazelle were dressed and ready, and the hurriedly marched outside. The charged down the slope of the canyon, and crawled through the hole nin the chain link fence. All except for one girl, Porky. "Porky- Come ON!!!!" Tavari yelled. "No!" She protested. "Why?" Tavari whined. "I don't want to! I'll sit right here!" She sniffed as she pranced towards the swing, as she re-applied some fuchsia lip-stick. "Porkyyyyyy!" Tavari protested. "Don't you want to be elvish?" "So I can fall on my butt again and you'll laugh at me? No!" She snapped. "Speedo- if you fall on your butt again, I wont laugh!" "No!" "Porkyyyyyyyy!" All the girls cried, exasperated. "No! Besides, there's spiders down there and I'm allergic!" "You guys- lets just go." Said Ace, rolling her eyes. With a last "Porky", the girls turned and followed Ace into the canyon. Brushing aside cobwebs, and climbing over mounds of rocks and other barriers, the girls made their way through the nature maze. At last they stopped in back of a white house with blue trim. "Get down!" hissed Tavari all of a sudden. The girls through themselves down the hill into some convenient bushes. "What is it?" Inquired Pocky. "That guy's taking pictures of us!" Tavari responded. Peering through the leaves the girls watched as the man pointed a camera at them. "What a doorknob." Tavari muttered. "No- a door to the knob!" Gazelle corrected. All of a sudden, a crashing behind the girls diverted their attention. "Greetings!" Exclaimed a small portly man with wispy gray hair. His body was swathed in neon pink robes, and he wore a delighted expression on his cheerful face. "Uh-" stammered Tavari. "Whatever," muttered Gazelle. "Wtf!" Exclaimed Pocky. "Um, ok," chortled Leah. "Deh?" Inquired Ace. "I'm sure your all quite surprised at my sudden appearance!" Exclaimed the man. "My friend here in the house" he said gesturing to the man with the camera "took pictures so that I could identify you. "He can't touch you because of a curse. Now each of you put a hand on me." "That is so wrong!" said a familiar voice behind them. "Porky?" asked Tavari incredulously. "You came?" "I magicked her to!" said the little man happily. "Now- stop wasting time. Put a hand on me." "Why?" asked Ace suspiciously. "You have been identified as having magical potential. Since you have read the Harry Potter books- the magic has seeped into you, and you may now go into level six." "Wtf?" Pocky repeated. "You pedophile." Porky said pointing an accusing finger. "Muggles" the man muttered. "So suspicious." "Whatever." Gazelle muttered. Reluctantly, the six girls each placed a hand on the man- very high up on his body. In a flash, they were gone. To them it felt as though an invisible hand was dragging them through space. They tried to scream, yet the wind pressed their mouths closed. 


	2. Arrival

At last they landed. Shakily, the six girls and the funny man stood up. They were in a fancy, round chamber, filled with weird instruments, and pictures of old guys in weird hats. Yet the most amazing thing was a brilliantly colored red phoenix. "Just on time, Mundungus," said a light, yet old sounding voice. The girls turned around to see a very old man, stooped with age, and garbed in rich purple and gold robes. "Wtf?" Pocky asked. "Yes, my dear. I'm sure this is quite confusing." The old man said smiling. "Yet, due to your talents, we must not waste time. I am Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, head of the Whizenmogat, order of Merlin, first class. Like Mundungus here probably already explained, when you read Harry Potter, an excellent buy by the way, you seeped up some magic. Enough to go into level six. Here, at Hogwarts, you will receive your magical training. You must work hard, as we all must so that we may go into the world, ready to defend ourselves and loved ones. I must ask each of you to work diligently, and succeed your professors expectations of you, as most of them are not sure that bringing you here at such a late age is not a good idea. Any questions?" "Erm- has anyone else 'soaked up the magic?'" inquired Leah. "No. You see, you three" he said gesturing to Tavari, Ace, and Leah, "have discussed the books at scarily amazing levels, letting you absorb the magic. And- it rubbed off on you three," he said gesturing to Gazelle, Porky, and Pocky. "Anymore questions?" "Are Harry Potter, Ron, and Draco hotties?" Porky inquired anxiously. "Well, I'll let you decide." Said Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eye. "Anything else?" "What houses are we in?" Asked Ace. "Excellent question." Said Dumbledore smiling. "There will be a special sorting ceremony in the great hall at dinnertime. Anything else?" "Whats gonna happen in real life? I mean- the uh- muggle world?" Asked Tavari. "Your parents and everyone else involved with you will all receive letters. I'm sure they'll understand once they find out where you are, and still receiving an excellent education in the magical arts. Now- it's almost time for dinner, so follow Professor McGonagall to the dining hall. She will your transfiguration instructor." The six girls turned around, to stare at the intimidating instructor. "Uh- you don't look like the movie one." Said Pocky. "I hope not!" Snapped McGonagall. "I was most offended. Honestly- what were they thinking?" The real McGonagall had dark graying brown hair, pull back into a severely tight bun. Like Dumbledore, she wore rich robes, yet hers were deep maroon, almost black. "Now don't dawdle!" With that, the Professor turned on her heals, not even looking back to make sure the girls were following her. They passed through a small staircase, and somehow, out the other side of a stone gargoyle. Then, the made their way through stone halls, filled with moving pictures and lined with classrooms. At last they were in the Great Hall. The hall looked pretty much like the movie one, yet the ceiling didn't have a bunch of random arches in it. It was just the sky. Each of the four tables were filled with students of varying ages, all eating happily. The staff table had more variety. There, there were tons of teachers, some of them not even Tavari, Ace, and Leah couldn't even remember reading about. Dumbledore had somehow had time to get to his spot and fill up his plate (oh yeah- they filled magically!) before the group got there. From their spots behind McGonagall, the could see other various professors. Sinastra (mysterious looking with midnight blue robes), Snape (insanely greasy, huge nose, huge scowl, black robes with green trim in suspicious pattern of snakes.) Trelawney (who looked more like a bug then previously described), Hagrid (HUGE and menacing- they said he was a good guy?), Flitwick (who by the way- did not look like he had been electrocuted like the movie one, reminded Tavari of a very old hobbit in robes), and a bunch of others that didn't stand out to be anyone in particular. Suddenly, everyone's attention was diverted to Dumbledore, as he stood up, and cleared his throat. "Professors and Students of Hogwarts!" He said in a suspiciously loud voice. "Today we welcome six more students to our mists. In this dark time, we must make allowances for new people. Please don't start any rivalries or any of that other suff.. Remember- United we stand, and Divided we fall. Now we begin the sorting." A man Tavari took to be Filch (and no- he did not look like the idiot disneized version- he just looked like an old crackpot) brought out the stool and sorting hat. McGonagall briskly marched towards the stool. Deciding that they should follow, the girls marched suit. "You will go in the order I say you will." "Anne Brooks!" "Why- does the first person to go get shot or something? Porky demanded. "What about the song?" asked Leah anxiously? "I wanna dance to it!" "The hell with the song!" Snapped the hat, surprising them all. "I've only gotten two lines so far!" "OMG!" screeched Porky. "It talks!" "Speedo- haven't you read the books?" Inquired Ace. "Yeah- but this isn't like the movie. I'm not putting that hat on my head. It talks! What if it rapes me or something????" "I seriously doubt it." "Put on the damn hat or else it's detention for a month and 50 point from your house!" Snapped McGonagall. "Anne!" Said the hat all of a sudden. "If it will calm you down I will sing something. "Omg!" Screamed Porky. "It's trying to date me!" "Porkyyyyyyy!" Tavari Yelled. "It's a hat!"  
  
"That's why its so wrong!" Wailed Porky. McGonagall growled in impatience. With a flick of her wand, the hat jumped off the stool and jammed itself on Porky's head. "Omg!" Yelped Porky. "Its on top of me and its crooning words in my ears! What a pedophile!" "Hufflepuff!" The hat declared in what it obviously thought was a sexy voice. By this time, the whole school, which had been watching the escapade, was rolling around on the floor, laughing their heads off. "That sucks!" Yelled Porky, hurling an empty tube of lip-gloss at it. Trying to retain some of her dignity, Porky applied some hot pink lipstick. "Mercedes O'Shea." Making every effort to appear elvish and walk silently, Tavari walked over to the stool and sat down. Placing the hat on her head she settled down and waited for it to decide. Yet as soon as the hat began to talk, she began to crack up. "This is serious!" Snapped McGonagall. "I've never worn a talking hat before!" Grinned Tavari through her laughter. "Gryffindor!" The hat yelled in its normal voice. The table presumably called Gryffindor clapped. " Leah Card." Leah timidly walked up to the school and smiled at the hat, then at the huge audience. "Wow!" She exclaimed. "An audience!" Humming a song suspiciously like Britney Spears she busted out a few dance moves. McGonagall looked appalled, yet Dumbledore looked quite amused. Stealing a glance with her elvish eyes, Tavari noticed Snape looked like the books said he looked like when he saw Harry. By this time, Leah had finished her routine, and had bowed to her audience. Only Hagrid and Dumbledore clapped. She hurriedly placed the hat on her head and grinned, looking like her face had split in two. "Ravenclaw!" The hat announced. The Ravenclaw table (apparently) clapped and cheered. "Scottila Dickson!" Pocky walked towards the stool. "That hat looks like its Anime!" She squealed. "Good!" Tavari Groaned. "Ok- lets just get this over with- I'm friggen starving!" Pocky announced as she jammed the hat on her head. The sorting hat moved around a little bit and then announced "Gryffindor!" "Wtf! That's so cool!" Pocky announced as the Gryffindor table cheered. "Stadardina Tribute." Gazelle walked up to the hat, rolled her eyes, and put in on. "Huffepuff!" The hat announced. "Whatever.." Drawled Gazelle as she walked over to the table that had the most enthusiastic cheerers and sat next to Porky who was re-doing her hair. "Ace Vandall." Ace walked up beaming. "You know- this hat was Godric Gryffindor's." Ace announced. McGonagall rolled her eyes. "I've always wanted to do this!" Ace Squealed as she jammed the hat on her head. "Ravenclaw!" The hat announced. "WOO HOO!" Ace yelled. "The power of sluggy prevails!" "WOO HOO!" Leah responded as she stood up at the Ravenclaw table. "Torg would be so proud!" Tavari was dying at her place at the Gryffindor table. "Well now that that's over- snapped McGonagall- you may return to your meals. Honestly, muggles!" She said shaking her head. "Not anymore!" Ace crowed. The rest of the meal was uneventful; basically it was just spent looking for somewhat recognizable faces. Like the book said- the food was delicious, yet the last thing the girls thought of were the house elves. Pocky and Porky were in heaven. "Fooooooood!" They kept muttering between breaths. Three pounds later- the dishes cleared themselves. "You are dismissed!" Said Dumbledore.  
  
Tavari and Pocky tried not to barf- they'd eaten way too much. "Hello- I'm Ron- Gryffindor prefect." Said a voice behind them. "Ron!" Tavari gasped. "You're Harry's friend! I've read all about you!" Ron turned red and looked embarrassed. "Uh- yeah. so follow me to the common room." Pocky and Tavari did as told. "Thank God he looks better than the movie Ron!" Pocky hissed. "He's hot in a way!" Uh oh. Tavari thought. ON the way to the common room, Ron gave them a rundown of all the professors, rooms, and so on. Pocky seemed to be quite interested. At last the made their way to the all to famous fat lady portrait. If anything, the fat lady was not fat, but insanely enormous. She looked like a tan and pink elephant. "Lle naa vanima!" Ron said in a loud voice. Tavari snorted. "Um- do you know what you just said?" "Nope- something in elvish I guess. Who cares?" "Fine- tell the fat lady she's beautiful every time you wanna get in the common room place! "Vain old bat!" Ron muttered darkly. Pocky giggled insanely, and batted her eyes. "Uh- do you have something stuck in your eyes?" Ron asked looking puzzled. "Nooo," said Pocky dreamily. The trio made their way into the large common room. It was filled with bright red couches, stuffed lions, and other students. "Ron what are you doing?" Asked a bossy voice behind them. "You should be studying!" "Aw Hermione! I'm showing them around!" Ron protested. "Ugh. Boys." "OMG! They compare you to Guenevere on fan sites!" Said Tavari. " Guenevere? Oh yes, Camelot, Legends of Arthur. She's in sooo many books. Now I have some studying to do." She said gesturing towards a table laden with books. "Wtf?" Pocky screeched. "How much work do they give you here?" "Don't ask Hermione." Muttered Ron. "She does twice the amount required."  
  
"Oh Ron!" Hermione groaned. "You just do half the requirement!" "Whatever. Now- I'll take you to your rooms." Ron led them up a narrow staircase and down an hall fill with doors labeled with different yeas (first years, fifth years.) until they reached "sixth years." Ron kicked the door open, not even bothering to knock. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Several girls screamed hastily covering themselves. "You slime ball!" they screeched. Muttered a string of curse words under his breath, Ron hastily sprinted down the hall. "So much for the tour," Tavari muttered as she quickly entered the chamber and slammed the door behind her. "God- he's such a man!" Breathed Pocky. "Uh- right. Moving on. I guess this is our stuff?" asked Tavari as she saw two four-poster beds with gold and maroon hangings. A pile of what appeared be school things was next to the beds. "WTF!" Demanded Pocky. "These are worse than Bishops things!" She held a long sleeved white blouse in one hand, a knee length pleated skirt in her other hand, and a long black robe in her mouth." "Least they have more than two pleats. And they said students were on the uniform council." Tavari muttered. "NO wonder Ron said that the pickings at Hogwarts were slim!" moaned Pocky. "God- his fiery red hair." "And abnormally large feet." Finished Tavari. "Buenos Noches!" "I'm getting gorgified!" muttered Pocky in return. "Muggles," a fellow sixth year muttered from a nearby bed.  
  
Ace and Leah had quite a different time. Led to their common room by an un- important prefect, the found themselves in a chamber, lined with bookshelves. "I always knew I wanted to be a Ravenclaw." breathed Leah. "If these are school books- no wonder Tavari's not in Ravenclaw!" Ace replied. They trudged up to their rooms with the unimportant prefect and settled down in their four poster beds (which had blue hangings by the way). "Leah?" asked Ace as she settled down in her large bed. "Umm hmm?" "Wonder of Remy's here. "Oh God. Wonder when we get our supplies?" "Who cares? Wonder if Remy's here." "Night Ace." Leah said in a dismissive tone. "Do you think he's here?" Ace persisted. "My dear sweet darling Remy." But Leah was already asleep. Gazelle and Porky had a entirely different time. They were led to the common room by a strange girl named Hannah Abott. "We'll be great friends!" She said, beaming at them. "Whatever," said Gazelle. "Why- so you can watch me sleep?" Demanded Porky. Hannah just giggled. The Hufflepuff room was a hideous shade of yellow, which wasn't improved by the many black robed figures wandering around. "Were gonna be great friends! I'm Ernie." Said a boy. "We're gonna be loyal to each other!" said another girl. "OMG!" Cried Porky as she applied purple lip gloss. "I don't do girls. Hasta la vista bebe!" "Whatever Porky." Remarked Gazelle coolly. 


	3. Day one

The next morning, Leah and Tavari happened to meet each other in the great hall. It was practically empty- with only a couple students milling around. "Leah!" Tavari Said excitedly. "Lets go find the passages. Its very elvish!" "Yeah- I could see watermelon face doing that!" "He did- he just died before you got to see him." Leah didn't bother to respond as she busted out a few dance moves. "Leah." Tavari moaned. "Dance Tavari!" Leah ordered executing a high kicked which hit Tavari's chin. "DAH!" Yelped Tavari. "I won't be caught dead dancing. Leah managed another high kick, which Tavari ducked. "Aw- upset? My heart bleeds for you." "So sweet Tavari. Expressively for me I'm sure. You know- Torg would say." "Oh shut up."  
  
After about fifteen minutes of arguing and random dancing and kicks, Professor McGonagall came over to the two girls. "Its called maturity Card and O'Shea!" she snapped. "I have no idea wher your friends are- but tell them that this evening we will depart for Diagon Alley. Today you will just sit in on your classes and get used to it." Er- do we have schedules?" Asked Leah. "Of course!" Snapped McGonagall. "Here." She said as she handed a stack of parchment to Leah. "I made sure you all had the same classes, so that you'll adapt well." " Thanks!" replied Leah and Tavari quickly. Deciding they had more important things to do than fighting, they walked over to a fireplace in the hall and sat down on the cold stone floor. Once settled, they each took one of the schedules. "Lets see.." Tavari muttered. "We have Divination with Phirenz, Transfiguration with McGonagall, Charms with Flitwick, Potions with Snape, eww, that wil be bad. Defense against the dark arts with Lupin. Lupin?! He's back?? Ace will flip out! Herbology with Sprout, Care of Magical creatures with Hagrid, Astronomy with Sinastra, History of Magic with Binns, Flying with Hooch. Flying???? Yessssss, and The elvish language with Haldir. Wait. No way! Haldir?" Finished Tavari. "Yeah." Replied Leah. "So today we have Divination, Care of Magical Creatures, Potions, Defense." "Good day!" Remarked Tavari. "Like 1,000 times better than Bishops." She put on a high fake voice, associated with popular girls "Ooh- lets see, math, chemistry, history, Spanish, English.ooh!" By this time the Great hall was packed with students. "Leah- take these schedules to the others. You're closer to Hufflepuff. I'll take this to Pocky." "If they're not reading magazines." Leah snorted. "Honestly- they should totally be preparing for SAT's!" "You're not!" Tavari retorted. "Besides- were not muggles anymore! To hell with SAT's! She crowed drawing stares from the Ravenclaw table." "Um- yeah right!" Leah said looking deeply offended. "I'm taking them no matter what! Who wouldn't want to?" "I can't imagine." Tavari replied sarcastically. "Suggest you buy a NEWT preparation book though. Hermione has one I'm sure." "Hermione-" Leah said grinning. "Now that's what I call a good student. Smart, somewhat courageous, overloaded schedules, two guy friends who she keeps in line, muggle parents." "Oh go marry her!' Tavari snapped. "Um- I'm not the gay one here. I don't like Ms. Elijah Wood." "Ooh, hardy har har." Tavari retorted. "You astound me with your wit. Never heard that one before." "Yes Tav Tav- I know you're jealous." "There are hardly words." "Oh Tav Tav."  
  
By this time the hall was packed with its usual amount of students, shuffling in tiredly, grabbing a bite or two, and then scurrying off to meet their friends. "Lets go find the others before first period." Tavari said dismissing Leah's last comment. "Before Divination. God. Why? Wait- Trewlaney's sacked! We have a centaur!" "Yeah." "Lets go now!!" "kk." The two girls both stood up, and quickly walked out of the hall. "Uh- where do we find everybody?" Leah asked. "We need a marauders map." Tavari muttered. "Tavari- no ideas right now." "Jealousy is a deadly sin Leah." Tavari smirked. "Old testament!" She explained with a shrug. "Oh." The girls wandered around aimlessly, not sure where to start." "We need a marauders map." Tavari repeated. Leah didn't bother even to answer. Soon they came to a hall marked "Bentham." "Whoa. What the heck?" Said Leah. "Nooo, not a Bishops reference!" Moaned Tavari. A sudden burst of noises in the hall shut them up. "Eh?" Tavari inquired. "Tavari-" Began Leah. "When in Rome do as the Romans do." "Eh.?" "We are at Hogwarts now- not Bishops-" "Thank God." "Which means- you don't say 'eh'. That's such a sign of American cluelessness. So- you say 'bloody hell?' when you don't understand something, 'blimey' when your surprised, 'bloody brilliant', when your amazed, and so on." "Thank you miss slang- master!" Tavari said with a frown. "How becoming," retorted Leah. Ending the little pointless argument as quickly as it began, the rest of the girls pranced around the corner in Bentham hall. "Top of the mornin to ye!" Said Leah loudly. "WTF?" Inquired Pocky. "Whatever" said Gazelle. "Honestly," said Leah coldly. "I should teach a British slang class!" "Maybe Remy will." Said Ace dreamily. "Maybe Sirius will." Said Tavari grinning dumbly. "Wait- bloody hell- he's dead!" With that she burst into tears and walked away. Of course, Ace was the only sympathizer as she tried to comfort Tavari by saying at least Remus was alive. But before she could say that Remus was probably hotter even though he was her's, a nearby clock signaled first class. "Where do we go?" Moaned Porky as she applied some crimson lipstick "Oh yeah" said Leah as she pulled out the stack of parchments and snatched the extra one from Tavari's hand. "McGonagall gave these to us. Said were just gonna observe classes today to get used to it. Then we're gonna go to Diagon Alley or some place and get our stuff." "Whatever" said Gazelle. "You guys- we have to go to class." Said Ace "Looks like we have Pockination!" Right now said Pocky at an attempt to joke. "Bloody right." Said Leah. "Lets go to dance revanation!" "Oh shut up." Tavari sniffed. With the help of a couple portraits they made their way to the divination classroom. "Tavari- cheer up- its elvish!" Said Ace. "Oh" was the short reply. The classroom was indeed amazing. Like it said in the book, it felt as though one had just stepped into a forest. And Phirenz, was more amazing than the room. He was bigger than a normal horse, and he had a heavily muscled chest, kinda like the guys on the body builder magazines that use steroids. "He's hot!" whispered Pocky. "He's ok," said Porky. A soft snort from behind the girls startled them. "There will be no talking." Said Phirenz. You may not disturb the delicate orbits of the planets." With that he tossed back his head and gazed at the ceiling. "The stars!" He whispered. Those big beautiful babes!" "WTF?" asked Pocky. "Bloody hell." Leah corrected. "Whatever" said Gazelle. Phirenze glared at them. "You six may sit on those mushrooms over there. They're quite sturdy." "Why so you can stare at us the whole time?" Snapped Porky. "I find the stars much more appealing Brooks." "Are you saying I'm not hot?" "As your professor you have no right to ask, and I have no right to answer. Now shut up." With that the centaur cantered over to the rest of the class. "What a pedophile!" Porky hissed. "Now. Today- we are going to work on dreams- and how they predict the future to those of us who care, and take time to interpret them correctly. TO begin with- I would like one of you to share your latest dream with the class and I will interpret it for you. Then I will explain how I did so- and how you may follow. Volunteers?"  
  
Not a singly student moved. Nervously they looked at their comrades, hoping somebody would volunteer. "Bloody God!" said Leah standing up from her mushroom. "I just had the best dream!"  
  
"Very well. Please tell me, omitting no details." "Alright. I was on top of a palm tree and Pocky was dancing around. Then Elijah Wood climbed up the tree and fell off, and he shrunk somehow. Then he started to sing something, and Porky came out in a leather bikini and hula skirt-" "WHAT?" screeched Porky. "Leah you are a teenage child molestor!" "Porky- I can't help what I dream-" "But dreams go over what you think of the day! I seriously hope you don't think of me that way... You probably write slash you-" "Porkyyyyyyyyy!" "One.two.three.four." "You know what Porky- its just a dream- so move on." "five.six.seven.eight.nine." At ten Porky has stood up. "I'm not going to sit next to people who think of me that way. So I'm leaving and getting better friends." And she flounced out of the room, leaving Phirenze quite dumb founded. "I will interpret your dream later." He said gravely. Now I need my privacy while I uh- consult the stars." Gleefully- the students and the five girls streamed out of the room. "So- " said Leah brightly. "Care of magical creatures, potions, and Defense against the dark arts." Ace giggled insanely and twirled her hair. "WTF?" asked Pocky staring at her. "He's a teacher." "Oh- my smart little Remy- poo." Ace crooned. "What a doorknob." Tavari muttered. "Lets go out to Hagrids. I assume that's where we meet?" "OK," said Ace- still blushing. The five girls headed out to Hagrid's hut, making their way across the grassy lawn in front of Hogwarts. "You guys- wait up!" Said Porky- smiling as if nothing had been wrong. "Whatever" Said Gazelle. Leah decided to be quiet.  
  
There were very few students milling around Hagrid's hut. A couple random people you don't need to know about- and then. "WTF?" Screeched Pocky- her mouth dropping open. Tavari, Ace, Leah, Gazelle, and Porky hastily looked in the direction of Pocky's gaze. Everyone's mouth except for Porky's hung open. "That looks like Orange!" Hissed Pocky. Indeed it did. The boy in question had dirty blonde hair, a mocking face, and a ton of acne. Behind this boy were two human gorillas, for that was the only way to explain them. Glancing in the direction of the six girls, the blonde boy who looked like Orange came over to them. "Newcomers- I see." He drawled. "And Mudbloods. Father always said that this place was going to the dogs. I am Draco Malfoy. Draco Evan Malfoy. You will learn to hold this name of mine in high respect." He hastily nudged his elbow into one of the guerillas sides. "Uh- yeah!" IT muttered. "Very good Crabbe." Draco E. Malfoy said. "Now- " he said turning to look at Pocky. "Have we met? You looking scathingly familiar." "Whom are you picking on now you bloody asshole!" Demanded a voice from behind them. The six girls turned and stared. A scrawny yet tall boy with insanely messy hair, glasses, and a scar walked towards them. "Cheerio scarface!" Draco E. Malfoy shouted in return. "Harry potter?" Exclaimed Tavari. "Yeah!" Harry yelled angrily. "Now leave me alone!" "Harry-"said a second figure (Ron it turned out). "Don't start- do you need a cheering charm?" "NO YOU BLOCKHEAD!" Harry roared. Ron cowered in fright. "RON!" Pocky shrieked. "DON't let the wittle boy scare you." She crooned. Ron turned red. "I AM NOT A LITTLE BOY!" Harry yelled. "Harry- please." Said Hermione from behind Ron and Pocky "Don't be a blockhead."  
  
Harry growled in return. By this time Ron and Pocky were having A Moment- and they were staring in each others eyes. "RON YOU SISSY!" Harry berated. "AW," Said Draco. "Is somebody having PMS?" "YOU TWISTED PIECE OF SLIME!" Harry screeched reaching for his wand. "Harry- don't waste yer time- he's not worth gettin in trouble fer."  
  
Harry's jaw twitched. "Now class today wer' going ter go into the forest. Stay close ter me and have yer wands ready. You six will pair up with other students with wands. Lets see. Pocky go with Ron here, Ace and Leah with Hermione, Gazelle with Harry, Porky with Draco, and Tavari with Parkinson. Follow me now." The six girls trailed off with their partners behind Hagrid. Only Ace, Leah, and Pocky, (who developed a suspicious limp that made her lean on Rons shoulder) looked happy. Porky merely looked suspicious, Tavari repulsed, and Gazelle, very timid behind Harry's fuming back. "You in Gryffindor!" hissed Pansy as she surveyed Bonnie. "I knew it. After you insisted on being friends with Ace, Gazelle, and Meatloaf for a time. You would never measure up against Slytherin standards!"  
  
"Eh?" Tavari asked raising her eyebrows. Straining to see under the greasy brownish frizzy hair, Tavari finally got a glimpse of Pansy's face. "HOLY CRAP!" She whispered loudly. "SARALAPHA?" "OH shut up. Now when we get back to Bishops you are going to draw me 12 more pictures and then you will murder Ace, and Gazelle in their sleep." "UM?" "I suppose intelligence never was one of your greatest aspects." Pansy (Sarahlapha) Parkinson said with a malicious grin. Ace and Leah had quite a different time. 


End file.
